CHARACTER SIDES FOR ÔPARSLEYÕ
©2009 Angus Kittler Reid
Through the front viewports, the boys start to see a strange
shape. It looks like a planet, but with a completely out-of-proportion man
lying sleeping on top of it. If the planet is the size of Earth, the man is the
size of Antarctica. Or if the man is the size of a normal man, then the planet
canÕt be more than 15 feet in diameter.
WERT
Is
that a giant guy?
JAMEY
IÉ
think itÕs just a very tiny planet.
Jamey guides the rocket closer and closer.
WERT
He
looks like heÕs having a time out. What are you doing?
JAMEY
IÕm
going to ask for directions.
He slides open the left front viewport.
JAMEY
UmmÉ
Hey!
WERT
Be
polite!
JAMEY
Right.
Excuse me!
The man is still lying down, but he seems to be rousing.
WERT
Can
he breath? I mean, is there air?
JAMEY
Well
he is on a planet.
The young man (PARSLEY) sits up, and notices the rocket. He
is about 25 years old, with wild hair, dirty overalls, and no shoes.
PARSLEY
Oh!
Hey! Over here!
The Rocket is literally 20 feet from the planet.
JAMEY
Yeah,
we see you.
PARSLEY
Oh,
good. IÕm kind of stuck here. Can you give me a push?
Jamey turns to Wert in confusion.
JAMEY
(whispering)
A
push?
PARSLEY
With your rockety end! Just turn
around and blow me thataway!
(he points)
JAMEY
Uh,
okay. Look, can you help us? WeÕre trying to find Earth.
PARSLEY
YouÕve
found it!
JAMEY
What?
PARSLEY
Yeah,
take all you want!
To emphasize this, he grabs a handful of dirt next to him
and lets it fall through his fingers.
Jamey chooses his words a bit more carefully.
JAMEY
I
mean the planet Earth.
PARSLEY
Oh.
Never heard of that.
JAMEY
YouÕve never heard of the Earth? I
think itÕs really famous. You know, The
World?
PARSLEY
You
know, IÕm actually not from around here.
JAMEY
Terra?
El Mundo?
PARSLEY
Are
you just making up planets, now?
JAMEY
The-
the ÒBlue PlanetÓ!
PARSLEY
IÕm
pretty sure I would have noticed something like that.
Jamey is speechless, defeated. His brother pipes up:
WERT
You
speak English, donÕt you?
PARSLEY
Of
course!
WERT
WellÉ
ItÕs where England is.
A look of something near recognition comes across ParsleyÕs
face.
PARSLEY
OooooohhhhÉ. You know, IÕve always
wondered about that.
He thinks for a moment.
PARSLEY
(cont.)
No, I donÕt think you can get
there from here.
JAMEY
Well
is there someone whoÕd know?
PARSLEY
Lepidoptera!
JAMEY
What?
Who?
PARSLEY
(astonished)
SheÕs Queen of the Butterflies,
and she knows everything. SheÕs really famous!
WERT
WeÕre
not from around here.
PARSLEY
She
lives on that planet, over there.
(he points to the right)
PARSLEY
(cont.)
And
I need to go over there.
(his other hand points to the left)
PARSLEY
(cont.)
Just
turn around and push off, and we both get where we want to go.
JAMEY
Wait.
How do we find her?
PARSLEY
Got
any bread?
JAMEY
Why?
No.
WERT
Yes.
He holds up his sandwich from yesterday.
PARSLEY
Give
it here!
Wert throws the sandwich. It lands next to Parsley on the
tiny planet.
JAMEY
What
for?
PARSLEY
IÕll
chew you a map.
He chews the sandwich into a perfect circle, and holds it
up.
PARSLEY
Okay,
this is us. [a beat] Got any more bread?
JAMEY
No!
WERT
Are
you hungry?
JAMEY
DonÕt
give him our food!
WERT
WeÕve
got plenty! ItÕll make us lighter!
Wert enters the cylinder, and takes a box of ugly root
vegetables off of the top of the stack. He turns around and goes back into the
cockpit.
He doesnÕt notice the glowing eyes of the Robot, who was concealed behind the vegetables.
Parsley now has the box of vegetables. The rocket swivels
around and gets into position. Wert leans out the window.
WERT
Goodbye!
And thank you!
PARSLEY
Hey,
no problem. Good luuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkkk!
The rocket ignites its engines, pushing Parsley & his
planet offscreen to the left, and the Rocket off to the right.